Animal Kingdom

So Mom and Dad told me that we were driving to Missouri to see the rest of our family on Christmas Day. That morning we unwrapped a box and well, now we're al in disney World one two day car trip later. I spent most of that driving or napping, so really not much to say on that. Odd as it is the only really memorable things are my dreams of Ali but those as overly sweet and snuggly. And now I'm back in the time zone I'm used to, so yay.

This was day one and we spent it in Animal Kingdom after a bunch with cariturs. It was about a two thirds day. Not a half day but not a full day ether.

After Brunch we went in and tried to stay as a group, so first two things were together. The Rapid ride and I had Lu kid number 9 next to me. She was a fun one. There is nothing like a 4 year old laughing and shrieking with glee as she gets splashed. We then ran off to it's tough being a bug, a 4D show. Lu said she wasn't scared of the spooky parts but truth be told she spent most of it in my jacket, staring at the fine print of my shirt. After that we split. Older kids braved the 75 minuet wait for Expedition Everest. The inside jokes and  cracks at new ones made it feel a lot faster.

If you enjoy costers go ride that one. I have never been so joyfully terrifyed in my life. flying backwards and forwards in dark tunnels being haunted by a yeti.

Dinner was the Ohana experience, we got to watch a fire dancer.

I'm sorry for the short and not that informative post, but it's 12:10 I'm in a room full of kids and bone tiered from watching them for most of the day.

A more detailed post will come up probably at the end of the week.

Up in the air again

So I'm back in the land of armor plated rats.

As per the norm I was the last out of my close circle to leave home. I shipped out at about 3:30 to catch the 5:30 flight. Roanoke airport is not ever that eventful unless I'm sneaking something past TSA, which I have done time to time. This time how ever, I checked a bag and got on, nothing to hide or sneak.

Our plane was tinny but I rather prefer smaller planes because the seats are usually more padded. Also tinny plane means shorter flight. I tend to get board on really long flights and prefer to have a few short hops to one really long leap. I dozed of for a bit, and when I woke up the girl next to me was watching Brave with her headphones in....so I pulled out the manuscript of one of my novels I brought back to edit and half edited half watched.

And then I was in O'hare for three hours waiting for my next flight to DFW.

O'hare is always interesting, and rather large. It took me maybe about twenty miunets to walk to my gate from where I landed. Along the way I found a lot of restaurants, a children's museum and the statue of a brontosaurs. I usawaly munch in sushi in air port that offer it but the one place I could find was a fancy sit down restaurant that was rater pricy. So instead I ate at a new place called Jonny's Rockets. Had a Chicago style hotdog, a mango smoothy and a Oreo shake, and waited to see if a snow storm would leave me in Chicago. I was really okay if it did, I'd never stayed over night in an airport and it sounded like an interesting adventure. Dad promised however that if I stayed I'd get to be in a hotel so there I would be. Not that I really minded, it would still be an adventure.

This is the interesting part as I was waiting I was chilling out on a stage finishing off my shake and singing some songs to my self and well...I made money. People tipped me. Not a lot, just $3 but for the short time I was there that's pretty good. Apparently I make good holiday entertainment.

Well my flight wasn't canceled, so I hopped on the plane and finished out my ride home, landing in a wind storm.

So here I am. I should get a lot of the posts I have sitting in my draft box all done this brake as well as other personal things. Heres to the holidays, may they be as stress free as possible.

Dyslexia on the Silver Screen

I can not say how long I've waited to see people like me be seen. Recognized. How long I've wished that there was someone like me, that wasn't fixed. No fixing, not magical cure to everything.

And finally it happened.

Meet Vanellope von Schweets from the movie 'Wreak it Ralph'.  

The idea behind the movie is that the video games in the arcade are alive, and when we're gone they go on and do their game things. Like go to the bar, or Bad Guys Anonymous, or have parties. Ralph is a bad guy who wants to be more and becomes convinced that the only way he can do so is through a getting a metal like the hero's and good guys do. Through a series of events he runs in to Vanellope who steals his metal to enter a race, promising to win it back for him. For the rest just watch the movie, it's really cute.

Vanellope is the first ever disney character that I remember that has dyslexia. Especially the first I can ever remember being picked on for it. She lives in the game 'Sugar Rush' and the whole point of it is racing, and Vanellope is not allowed to mingle at all. She is literally ran into hiding. There are posters of her face that ban her from entering anything especially races. The other racers actually corner her and destroy her car that she made. All because she is accused of being a glitch. (To which she replies she just has pixlexia, there for just a worthy to race.)

It was just this absolutely unreal experience to finally see someone like me on the screen.

Replace the game with a school, and the races with state curriculum and I'd like to introduce myself, "Hi I'm Vanellope von Schweets, good ta meet ya."

There is probably a post out there somewhere about the dyslexic joke being offensive but I related to Vanellope so much that I don't think it was a joke. I think she truly is pixlexic. She can feel it in her code that she was meant to be a racer, because she glitches however she is banned from the tracks and exiled to an unfinished bonus level to live alone. Once given the chance she excels and actually uses her glitch to give her an edge over the other racers.

I always had a thing for stories, even before I could write and it became apparent that I would not meet a few standards of writing. I am an author. Dyslexic and Dysgraphic, I am an author. The school was content to put me in special ed and then not let me take any honers classes even if the teacher, myself and my parents said I could handle it. When I finally got in to honers and then went straight Ap I was belittled in peer review groups because well, "are you smart enough if you can't even spell?" Am I smart enough to hold an officer position? Am I smart at all?

Like Vanellope even when the day is saved, I still glitch. Nothing will change who I am, and nothing will change the wiring I have for written language. But that is why I love her so much is she still glitches even when everything is fixed. Even when she can now race, she glitches. There wasn't some magical cure, because nothing was wrong with her, and she's once of the best racers because of it. My parents and the rest of my siblings didn't understand and might not ever fully understand why I was so happy about it, but there was a dyslexic hero. One who stayed dyslexic and became proud of it; used it to make her the best racer in the game. One who proved that there's nothing wrong with a little glitching.

She's a pixlexic racer, I'm a dyslexic author. In a way she's done what I hoped to do with published books. Let others out there struggling with the harassment and the off hand comments and self doubt know that they are not limited by what is 'coded' for them. They are more than their glitch, and their glitch is not a limit but a whole new way to 'race' that others will never get. It's not always easy, but in the end it's always worth it.

Evil Plot

So Ali finally figured out what my mom's plot is.

You see I've expressed a fear at maybe not making the payment for spring and I get this "Oh what a shame"

Not even a ounce of sympathy in her voice.

She is cutting me off from family support, none of my siblings even know what's happening. So My brothers on either side of me don't get why I seem uncomfortable at home.

I know Mom doesn't get it at all. She's cornered Bean and demanded to know what I tell her and why do I not talk to her (mom) more. Because, well calling my love a rapist, sending my older brother to spy on me, almost pulling me out with out warning, and then suddenly cutting me off and acting like we've never had a single disagreement wouldn't throw a wrench in anything.  Nope not at all.

Well Ali has figured it out.

Mom is waiting for me to hit a wall. To relise that I can't make it on my own yet because the real world is scary and I need mommy and daddy there. She's waiting for me to run out of luck and for my job to not pay enough in time and then she expects that I will go back 'home' and back into the fold, never to leave the state of Texas again.

If she had her way I would go to a collage that is nice and religious and close by, like at most a day trip and that's pushing it. Or I'd just stay and be a stay at home daughter and watch all the kids again. Like I have for the other 20 odd years of my life.

Let me just say...fuck no. Fucking hell no.

I can be homeless and I will not move back in to that woman's house. I'm tiered of walking on eggs around her. I'm sick of hiding things so that mom doesn't suddenly pull my plane ticket and leave me trapped in that place.

I already have several people that I know I can turn to, if not to crash at their place, then to help me find a place. I am not going back. Ever.

The only resin I want to step foot in that house is because of the little ones. I want to be remembered and loved.

Also Mom didn't factor in how much I would just resent her. She seems to be betting on mending our broken relationship, if she even admits that it's broken, over time when I suppose I realize the error of my ways and that family should always be put above my own personal happiness. Or I realize the dangers of lesbian university and thank her for saving my wayward soul.

It's just sad how much I now have dug my feet in the ground and said no. I don't want to move back to Texas, I refuse to move back to Texas. Nonononono.

I was venting about mom to Juliette and she just looked at me and said "You mom is like a totalitarian dystopian government". It is true I've had Hunger Games dreams of her as President Snow. It was kinda creepy.

But If I do hit this wall...well I'm not leaving Roanoke, other than to go to Washington and live with Ali's grandparents and work there for a semester, or to live with my friend in her apartment in Texas if I have to go back.

Not that house.

Ink Please

So I hate needles and I hate ink on my skin. I nearly fly out of the blood test chair and will bitch slap any one who dares try to doodle on me.

I want to get a tattoo.

Let that sink in for a bit.

Yes I am aware that there will be a lot of needles repeatedly stabbing me to inject ink into my skin. I know. I know. But as much as I hate that I've always wanted one. It's gone from things I thought would be cool looking (angel wings down my back) to religious symbols (from when I was more religious) to music and quotes around the wrist or ankle.

I have finally decided. I want a Hummingbird, as for placement its going to be behind my ear or on my shoulder.  Two places easy to cover for more professional times and also in my opinion, two classy places.

Also I just want it one color. Black most likely or maybe a dark purple or blue. I've considered getting it in a gradient but I think it would look better in a solid color. I've also considered white but, from what I've heard if your not already pale and stay pale it just looks like you've been scared in a very interesting pattern. I'd rather not have that, and I tan to this really nice bronze over the summer when I'm outside 24/7.

It's a tie between these two design, I'm not sure which one I like more. Any votes?

As for why I want a hummingbird, well there's a lot of things.

First off, I really love hummers. They fascinate me and I love to watch them.

My biggest resin is that they are also associated with warriors. Not in mainstream media and all that but rather old folk tails and legends. Hummers are warriors who died in battle for the, I believe, accent Mynas. They are said to be warriors who move and live outside of time. It's something that I identify with very strongly at this point in my life, being a little warrior.

Especially with all that has happened between me and my mom and with Hollins and everything else in my life I feel the 'small but mighty' idea very strongly. They stay graceful and beautiful even as they fight like I hope I do.

I love speed, like roller-coasters and running and just feeling the air rush around me. those moments when you feel like you could fly are when I feel the most free. Like I can do anything. I only get those moments when I'm on a roller-coaster or flying down a hill on a bike or flying down white water.

It's not the same kinda confident "Bring it" feel I get when I hold a bow, but it's this absolute rush where suddenly the world can wait because I'm busy being me and I am amazing.

Why I want to get a tattoo, well:

It's something that can't get ignored or pretend that it's not there because it's there. Like, Mom if she really wanted to could convince her self that Ali and I were just good friends. Really celibate, don't even hold hands, friends. She can ignore how I am a feminist, or how I have my own mind.

She can't ignore ink.

No matter what she dose or says, my ink will still be there. It'll be a part of me that can't be ignored and is beautiful and wonderful and as unobtrusive as the rest of me. She can't ignore this. She can't take it away or threaten to remove it. It'll just be there. Pretty and silent, and just there.

It'll be something that my siblings can see and ask about. It'll be something that won't get me kicked out as much as Mother Dear disapproves.

It's something that she can't take away.

This is something I have firmly, stake in the ground, decided that I will do, but that along with getting my right ear pierced on the cartilage will have to wait till senior year. As much as mom has cut me off I need to not shock her for just a little while longer. But senior year, spring semester at the latest, I'm getting them!

So thoughts on tattoos? Which one should I get?