Gah!

So stress is back full force.

My aunt and several other mebures of my family want me to start a blog so they can keep up with me. Funny thing is I'm not out to a lot of my family. Including said aunt. Yeah sooo....I had to start up a different account for a 'family friendly blogg'. At least that way when I come out to my family, well it'll also be on the internet so I won't become some family secret. Some of the posts will be copyed over from this one, like the one on Dyslexia, but most over there will be different and not pen named. For both Ali's safety and mine, Ali might not be mentioned, as Mom still get's twitchy at the mention of her.

Papers are showing up in school. I dislike the paper part of higher education. I highly dislike how professors all seem to give big projects at the same time. I think they scheme against us sometimes. I also didn't get picked for an honors thesis. I wasn't really expecting one, but at the same time it still stung a bit. I'll probably just go for an indepent study senior year then.

The biness office apparently didn't bill texas prepaid till just now so there's a hold on my account and I can't get a room for next year till that's gone. The money is on it's way but till they have it no room for me. I'm emailing the housing and res. life office to see if I can get around that. I wouldn't care so much if I was in a single, but Skye my roomie would also get dragged down with me.

On top of all of this, I'm sick so after posting this I'm going back to bed.

You can wake me when it's all taken care of it's self.

No longer Popeless

So incase you haven't heard today the white smoke came from the Vatican and we now have a new Pope. Meet Pope Francis the first. So far I like him.

He apparently had the support of the liberal cardinals, dose large amounts of work for the poor, is rather humble and lives humbly even when luxury is available. Has a degree in chemistry. Is from Argentina so he's also our first Pope from that side of the world. And the first Jesuit.

And he just sounds like the kinda guy the Church needs right now. Like here's a bit on how he handled his home bit.

"Bergoglio often rode the bus to work, cooked his own meals and regularly visited the slums that ring Argentina's capital. He considers social outreach, rather than doctrinal battles, to be the essential business of the church.

He accused fellow church leaders of hypocrisy and forgetting that Jesus Christ bathed lepers and ate with prostitutes.

"Jesus teaches us another way: Go out. Go out and share your testimony, go out and interact with your brothers, go out and share, go out and ask. Become the Word in body as well as spirit," Bergoglio told Argentina's priests last year." - (Link)  

He is by no means perfect. No one is but you know he might just be what we need right now. And he might actually turn out to be a liberal (by pope standards)  and if not that, a tolerant pope. 

Shooting for the stars.

So I haven't had much time to blog, I've been so caught up in life. But my tuition is all paid, I'm still healthy, my parents and I are on really, freakishly good terms, and I just might get the sports therapy place I want sooner than I thought I would.

Like before I graduate...maybe.

See I work with the one little boy remember, and one of his other therapist works with llamas and is looking to expand. My co-worker and I are both looking to go work with her. It'd be more floor time and play therapy. Well the little quirk of the play that I want to get into and have been tossing the idea around is sport therapy/athletic play.

I'd be the person that we just run around, climb the tree, play tag that sort thing.

Most of all, I'd be an Archery instructor again.

It would help their hand eye coordination, their confidence, and despite archery not being a team sport, the interactions with the me in order to learn will also improve their social skills. As well as a host of other things, most of witch I probably won't think of till I see them happen.

It wouldn't be the first time I've taught a special needs kids how to shoot. This summer I worked at a BSA camp I was the archery instroctor there as well and every week about 2-4ish of my bunch would have autism, asburgers, OCD, general things, and lord knows what else. They all did just as well as the other kids and always seemed the happiest to be out on the range.

Really the looks of horror I get when I say I've given autistic kids a bow and quiver are over reacting. I'm getting trained in Floor Time some time soonish so I can work in the clinic and I can't wait.

Other than that I'm making the clinic a new google and Facebook page, and might have just become the IT support and possibly I might just become the person that wanders through, picks up and takes messages as well.

Never would have thought that my career would have taken off so soon, but I am not complaining.

Two Dates in Two Days

So Ali and I don't always get a chance to go out and just go on a date. It's a nice sometimes kinda occasion. Well this past weekend I got to go on two dates with my lovly Angel.

The first one was something called First Friday, where on the first friday of everymonth the art studios open up and Frogert offers a deal for Hollins girls. Ali and I spent two hours walking all over downtown Roanoke looking in studios, from the personal 'we live in the back behind the welder' ones to the fancy ones that if we weren't wearing out nice jackets might have thought we were hooligans. We talked with a lot of the artists. Everyone seems to know everyone else, it was really nice.

The second was a free movie called 'Hysteria'.

It's about the invention of the vibrator.

You should go see it.

That's all I will say.

Little Lost One

Mom just miscarried.

She was two months in and hadn't told anyone but Dad yet, and spent the night and most of today in the hospital. I just got the news.

They're not telling a lot of people because, well people like to make smart ass comments about the size of our family. No really, they see ten kids and the filter just seems to switch off. We've gotten cracks about everything from population growth and how dare you kill the environment, to 'Oh well maybe you could stay off welfare if you didn't have so many. We're not on welfare.

So I get the feeling that just the older kids and their close family knows. Most friends and relatives will proboblsy never know that this happened.

After Dad and I hung up the phone I just kinda sat there. She may drive me crazy but she's my Mom and I love her. I can't stop myself from wondering who we lost. Imagining all the different ways a little baby looks wrapped up in a blanket. Remembering how it feels to have one fall asleep when you hold them, or how they curl up to your chest in the shower, tucking their head under your chin.

I want to go home so I can take care of her. I'm the oldest girl, I should be there. I should be taking care of her, watching kids, cooking, cleaning, doing home repairs. Something.

I'm afraid that one day that will be me. That my PCOS has killed any chance that when Ali and I have/adopt kids that they will be my kids. That I'll be the one in the hospital room, when all Ali can do is hold my hand.

Ali came into the room only a few minuets later and she just held me as I burst into tears and sobbed.

And even now, I still can't stop wondering who we lost.

3 day long Valentines day

Yesterday was a very good day. And well it started at 12:10 promptly with a gift/card exchange. Hollins has an Otaku Hall and one of their biggest fundraisers is selling these little plushies called mu. They're really cute and soft and make good tinny pillows or cuddle buddies. I got Ali one of those and I drew out her card. It had a chibi Shang from Mulan under a cherry blossom tree with "You...you fight good." in calligraphy.

Mulan is her favorit disney movie, she loves my calligraphy, and cherry blossoms are her favorite flower.

Ali had been driving me up the wall showing everyone else what she had been making me and I kept hearing how good it was. The wait and hype was worth it. She burned into a wood plaque, in chancery script, It's That Simple.

The saying comes from when we first started dating in secret. We were on my bed kissing and Ali looked at me and sounded so scared "What if we don't make it? What if it doesn't work out?"And I looked at her and smiled and told her it would, but she shook her head, "How do you know it will?"

"I love you," I told her and kissed her. To this day I can still rembure the feel of that kiss, so soft and tender. when it was done I smiled at her and said "It's that Simple."

We spent a while dancing across the floor of the room and being cute before we both realized we should go to bed because of morning classes.

The next day was like a pretty normal day for the most part. We got up, ate breakfast went to classes. At lunch she pulled out a small box of chocolets. It's really sweet, you see Ali hates chocolates to the point I think she has an allergy to them, but every valentines day she goes to Chocolate Paper and gets me a small box of some hand picked ones.

We were a bit more lovey on each other for the day but I had work so we didn't go out to eat, yet. That is going to happen tomorrow after I get back from caving and we go to the art museum.

That night thou I gave her the first part of her real present. A pedicure. The full thing includes hot stones, a full body massage and she can pick a style like swedish or dumi if she wants, a manicure and a pedicure. The pedicure part takes a few times, because Ali gets really thick rough calluses on her heal and big toes. So I got a few new tools and set to scrubbing and massaging her feet and rubed a good lotion in and put on her new shea socks I got her. We checked on them to today and they already feel so smooth. I'm a bit smug over it. Tonight I'm going to have a fallow up with her feet and tomarrow she gets the rest of it.

I must say I'm pretty happy with life right now.

I did it!

I really did it! My paycheck just came in, and I have the money to pay for tuition, and a little extra! I made enough money to stay and I have more than enough to save up for senior year. If i stock pile my funds now I won't be in such and panic when the next bill comes. Now I just need to find a new large, but shortish term gole, so I don't constantly feel like I'm forgetting something.