Never okay.

If you haven't heard Vitoria's Secret made a big oops...again. They all ready messed up with 'Sexy little geisha'

Uhmmm....I have never seen a geisha dressed like that. And I've seen geisha's in airports and in research for school. They look like this:

Note lack of boobs spilling about. 

Well VC did it again, but this time it was Native Americans. Let's post pone the rage and look at what they did. 

What the hell.

Also 'if it offended any one'. "Gee guys, I didn't realize that we would be offending an entire nation of people by making you sex objects, our bad." Yes this is the model and it's not really her fault but this is also what the company said as well. 

Why dose this keep happening?

It would be grate if it was just VC and we could slap them on the writs and be done with it but it's everywhere. Women of other minorities or ethnicity's are sexuwalized. Just look up adult costumes for women. Really. Breasts for your viewing pleasure are everywhere. Spilling out. 

Dose anyone have any idea what we can do about this? It needs to stop. But it's everywhere. 

Let's start something. Anything. Take back our past, and take our identities out of the low cut and skin tight ideas. 

Back to the land of Mountains and Education

So travailing again, and I'm back to my home sweet Hollins.

I had to get up incredibly early. Like, 4:00 in the morning to get to the airport by 5 for my flight at 6:45.

It was alright, DFW isn't too bad. It was just so early.

Well I got a breakfast of a bagel and creme cheese from Duncan Donuts along with a naked fruit smoothy. I also met Emily, a very nice young woman in the army who happens to play sax, and hackie sack.

Every sax player I have ever met plays hackie sack. I asked and it doesn't come in the case, but they all play. How dose this happen?

Talked with her for a while. She's getting her asigments today so good luck to her.

I'll be honest I hate long flights with untalkative people next to me. I also hate long fights becuse they're so dull. I feel asleep in my seat but it wasn't comfortable at all. Also the guy next to me smelled like bad sour crout.

Please if you ever fly, shower and have deo on. Just do it.

Got off in Dulles, got sushi again and wandered around a bit.

Really not much happened this trip.

I got to be on a smaller plane and they tend to always have comfier seats so I was happy, but nothing makes me smile like I do when I see those mountains again.

Oh Hollins it's good to be back.

Energy healing?

My first met the person who practices it introduction to energy and auras and the like was an ex friend named Darcy.

Darcy, if I may be so blunt, is rather full of her self and has an over inflated sense of importance and glory. Her way was the right way in all things spirit-y and the like.

"Your aura is (inset color) you are very (insert trate/mood/movie preference)"

You could tell her that she was wrong and then it just became she was right and you were not really aware of what you were. You were what ever she said. When she did tarot reading––which I will admit I had her do them, mostly to look at her cards because they were pretty––the reading was what she said, not what you might think it could be. For the longest time she kept giving Juliet reading that Ali and I were going to go off and abandon them all. What really ended up hapaing was she left us exept for when she found us...useful? It's another story.

Anyway;

Darcy really for a long time turned me off of anything pagan or spirt sounding because, oh God those people might be like her. I just didn't want to deal with it. I just didn't.

That was maybe half a year ago.

So this was after Bell Book and Candle's party, but I had been just picking up bits from KC on what she did. I understood jack squat.

I'm very in my body? And that's why snuggling me feels good...because I'm there? Where else would I be?

So I finally sat down and had a talk with her. I still have a hard time understanding it, but I get it a bit more now. In ways I can't really describe but I do get it more now.

She also did energy work on me.

Here's how I understand it. People have an aura, that is a small electromagnetic field around them. You're body operates with electricity, that's how messages are sent around the brain and all around the nerves. so it would make since for there to be an aura.

You'd have a hard time convincing me that you can see and interpret colors. About near impossible of a time.

But the energy field caused by the electricity around your body sounds completely reasonable to me. The energy working part comes in when one person, like KC, uses their electricity to influence another person's electricity.

It feels very tingly and my leg kept twitching, like the kinda twitch a dog's leg dose when you scratch that one nice spot on their belly.

It's definitely something I'm going to look into to some more. I should set some more times to talk with KC about it.

Sweet and Sappy

Lee is cliché in all the best ways.

First date, we walked around the arboretum, date two we went shooting, date three in the zoo and then dinner with his family, and so on.

We go on walks. We go out to dinners. We sit up at the park and talk.

Yesterday was the last time I got to see him down here so we went out again. He picked me up and we went out to Ganges Grill where his sister worked.

Did you know it's incredibly painful to try and swallow lemonade and hold back laughing at the same time?

I can't pin it down but he just makes me laugh. He doesn't have to say or do anything, when I look at him I get so happy I start giggling.

Also when ever I have the chance to leave 'spechel requirements/preferences' I add notes like "Make with tender love and care" or "Malice and spite"

"I have one made with some TLC?"

YES! They did it! Finally.

Anyway. Lee pulled up to the park again and had yet another surprise. A picnic in the park. With cherry chocolate cheesecake! Oh my gosh! It had to be the best pie of my life! And he gave me his jacket because it was cold.

Also why dose everyone I like lick my nose?

No really.

Inbetween the tickle fight, that broke out and was rather one sided, he licked me on the nose. I love such silly people.

I can't wait for him to come up to Hollins!

Gobble?

I love my family I really do, but I wanted to be home just about as much as that turkey did.

It's been a combination of a lot of things, but the end result is the same. I loved the food for it was delicious. I enjoyed watching the family game of Risk. I enjoyed talking with family.

But I couldn't help but feel like an out sider. A guest or an observer. I didn't feel like family. And then there's this knowledge that if I come out, I just may not be welcome back.

But you know, I go back home to Hollins on Sunday and I'll get to see my Hollins Family and I've missed my Sisters and my wonderful Angel Love, Ali. So not all bad?

Wednesday with Bean

Bean is my little sister. My first little sister after a long line of brothers. We take a lot of walks together and talk about everything. It's nice to have someone who doesn't judge and listens to you. Mom tried to stalk us or get out of Bean what we talk about but we honor the sister code.

We don't rat each other out or brake the sister vow of silence.

So Bean knows what's going on with me better than anyone else and I with her. These walks take hours or so. It's really quite nice

Dreams

I keep having dreams of my mom confronting me. About Hollins. About Feminism. About my identity. About having both Lee and Ali. About Ali.

I always react differently.

 One I just sat there and cried and then she walked away after banning me from all future familyness. I started looking for Ali but I couldn't find her anywhere and all I could hear was her crying. I couldn't ever get to her in time before it stoped. And it stopped too suddenly.
I couldn't ever save her.

Other times I'm pleading. Begging for even a little tuition aid. Begging to still be loved. Begging to be welcome in the house. Begging to not be erased from the memory of my siblings. Begging for her to attend my graduation, my wedding.

Most of the time I react with rage. Its the only time I remember the words. "I found people who love me for me! I pay for my own fucking school because you fucking cut me off. I will live with who ever the hell I want!"
"Try not to fuck up the others like you did me, bitch"
"Get the fuck out of my apparently damned life"
"You will never see me again."

The last one I was just tiered.
"No. I'm not coming back. Sorry but I'm not. I'll be by after graduation to collect my things and then I'll be gone."

I really hope this isn't foreshadowing.