Sexuality is like a bunch of Skittle Chickens. Each one is beautiful and unique down to the very chicken that's colored. What I define as my sexuality I've already been told by many that it doesn't exist. That I'm really just bi and should stop trying to be sepecal or that I'm really straight, and have been fooled in to thinking I could possibly like girls. Pan isn't a real sexuality and you can't be one thing leaning another, so the fact that I say I'm leaning Demi is absoulty propostours.
But you see even if you group all of the little pan blue chicks together and all of the little yellow straight chicks together and all of the little purple asexual chicks together, and the little green gay chicks and the little orange bi chicks and the pink chicks who are forever confused like my friend Juliette you haven't grouped together a bunch of identical chicks. Yes they are all the same cute fluffy color but that dosn't meen that bi chick named Bill won't mostly go for girls or that the straight chick named Patty isn't open to maybe trying something out with another girl chick. There again there's Pam who will only date, love and have sex with boy chicks thank you. All are acceptable.
Okay, here are the nitty gritty definitions of my three love search bars I suppose you could call them? Pansexual, Dimisexual, and Polyamory.
How they work to me is as fallows, with adorable pictures for each:
Gender doesn't matter. Looks don't mean anything on how attracted I am to you. So it really doesn't matter if your male, female, gender queer, male and female, nothing at all, transgender. It truly doesn't matter to me. The soiatal standers of beauty are screwy anyway. If I love you you are the most beautiful/handsome person I have ever seen.
This works on the flip-side as well. Ali has stretch marks, and I always thought they were some of the coolest things ever and called them tiger stripes...because well they look like white tiger stripes. They're beautiful.
I saw someone else with stretch marks that I just down right despised and I clearly remember thinking that it looked like a parasite was festering and breading inside him causing him to rot away.
I have to be atracted to you as a person before your body will do anything for me at all. Look at it this way. Apparently many people find Tony Stark attractive. I'm sorry. No matter how much he grew as a person in the Avengers, Iron Man and Iron Man II really just killed any chance I would ever find him good looking. To much of an ass.
Now I've heard that some Dimi's just don't get anything at all from looking at a body, even if it is someone they are attracted to emotionally that inhabits said body; also from what I gather Pan usawaly or at least in many cases means you can also be atracted to a person's body. I'm in that little place in the middle.
Thus why I say Pan with a Dimi leaning.
Gender doesn't matter, and it truly is what's on the inside that counts for me. Even people like Thor, Hawkeye, Aragorn, Syrena, Charlie's Angels, Or any of these other people that I don't know the names of. I can see that, yes, they are attractive, but I am not attracted to them. I don't know them. As odd as it sounds I just don't like them. Not even crush. Or fantisize. I don't know them...so I just don't.
Also sometimes I just get turned on by how they look.
Let me tell you they can look veeerrryyy good.
Like "Oh...hello there..." good.
So their bodies do something for me, believe me they do, but only because I already love them.
Am I making sense?
Now for Polyamory:
It's not about sex, or not getting enough of XYZ from ether Ali or Lee, because they are both more amazing than I could have ever dreamed. It's more like there isn't a little love bottle that has the sole amount of love that I can ever give.
This bottle, as cute as it is, dose not exist for me. The way I see it is that I can love multiple people at the same time and it doesn't mean that I love any of my wonderful loves any less. There's a beautiful amount of vulnerability and trust and open honestly that comes with a poly relationship. It, for me, is about love and not getting more sex or dates or XYZ.
Yes I have sex, but as of now only with Ali. Lee and I aren't that far along, and we just may not be engaging in the sexy times. That is something Lee and I will work out, and should we decide to engage in the sexy times, Ali will be aware. We've already discussed it me and her and she is okay with me doing what ever I am okay with from hand holding to handcuffs and all in-between, just keep her in the loop. Not a play by play, I just don't do that, and that's me. But something like "Hay, last night Lee and I made love and it was really nice." or "Last night/whenever, we did **activity**"
Lee is aware that Ali and I are active and is okay with that. There's no hiding anything.
Yes I may get more dates than the average 20something woman but, that's just a nice side effect.
Also just because I'm polly, dose not mean that I am out to just date about. Lee has already told me that he's not sure he is okay with multiple males and would rather I didn't date another man. This isn't any controlling, block or anything. This is comunication. Lee isn't okay with multiple men and me loving multiple men, so I won't date multiple men.
(Also Lee is just fantastic, I don't think I'd even meet another man that could even come in spitting distance.)
Ali doesn't mind multiple woman and neither dose Lee, and just because they date me doesn't meen they date each other. It's different for every polly couple or group or person. Even in our lovely trio.
As for how it works well:
Ali is polly = "JR you may date as many as you wish so long as you are happy/healthy and I still have quality time with you. I love you, keep me posted."
I (JR) am polly = "Ali and Lee, you may go date and find love where and how you wish. Keep me posted, and ask first how I feel about them too please, but over all, go have fun."
Lee is = "I love you, I don't know if I'm polly, but I shall be opened minded. Please don't date other men."
That's the short hand at least.
If you're still confused here is another way I can explain it:
Ali is the hamster clinging to the plant, I am the one with the flower, Lee is the one on the log. Ali is happy for me when I find other people I love, as am I for her. (She dated a very lovely woman for a while and was very happy.) Ali encourages I go out and after people I find attractive, sometimes to the point of walking up and telling them that I have a crush on them like she did once before.
Lee has just been monogamous, to my knowledge, up to this point. He is happy I have Ali, "Why would I be upset that other people find you as wonderful as I do," and we both are incredibly happy we have each other. He is keeping an open mind, and there are people out there who are okay with dating someone who is polly but are not polly themselves and that's okay. He may be polly. It's up to him.
I am in the middle. Very happy with my two wonderful loves and okay if they find other loves, and okay if things stay the way they are.
Am I clear? Sometimes explaining these things can be difficult. If not feel free to ask questions and I will gladly answer them.
also none of these photos, as cute as they are belong to me.