Animal Kingdom

So Mom and Dad told me that we were driving to Missouri to see the rest of our family on Christmas Day. That morning we unwrapped a box and well, now we're al in disney World one two day car trip later. I spent most of that driving or napping, so really not much to say on that. Odd as it is the only really memorable things are my dreams of Ali but those as overly sweet and snuggly. And now I'm back in the time zone I'm used to, so yay.

This was day one and we spent it in Animal Kingdom after a bunch with cariturs. It was about a two thirds day. Not a half day but not a full day ether.

After Brunch we went in and tried to stay as a group, so first two things were together. The Rapid ride and I had Lu kid number 9 next to me. She was a fun one. There is nothing like a 4 year old laughing and shrieking with glee as she gets splashed. We then ran off to it's tough being a bug, a 4D show. Lu said she wasn't scared of the spooky parts but truth be told she spent most of it in my jacket, staring at the fine print of my shirt. After that we split. Older kids braved the 75 minuet wait for Expedition Everest. The inside jokes and  cracks at new ones made it feel a lot faster.

If you enjoy costers go ride that one. I have never been so joyfully terrifyed in my life. flying backwards and forwards in dark tunnels being haunted by a yeti.

Dinner was the Ohana experience, we got to watch a fire dancer.

I'm sorry for the short and not that informative post, but it's 12:10 I'm in a room full of kids and bone tiered from watching them for most of the day.

A more detailed post will come up probably at the end of the week.

Up in the air again

So I'm back in the land of armor plated rats.

As per the norm I was the last out of my close circle to leave home. I shipped out at about 3:30 to catch the 5:30 flight. Roanoke airport is not ever that eventful unless I'm sneaking something past TSA, which I have done time to time. This time how ever, I checked a bag and got on, nothing to hide or sneak.

Our plane was tinny but I rather prefer smaller planes because the seats are usually more padded. Also tinny plane means shorter flight. I tend to get board on really long flights and prefer to have a few short hops to one really long leap. I dozed of for a bit, and when I woke up the girl next to me was watching Brave with her headphones in....so I pulled out the manuscript of one of my novels I brought back to edit and half edited half watched.

And then I was in O'hare for three hours waiting for my next flight to DFW.

O'hare is always interesting, and rather large. It took me maybe about twenty miunets to walk to my gate from where I landed. Along the way I found a lot of restaurants, a children's museum and the statue of a brontosaurs. I usawaly munch in sushi in air port that offer it but the one place I could find was a fancy sit down restaurant that was rater pricy. So instead I ate at a new place called Jonny's Rockets. Had a Chicago style hotdog, a mango smoothy and a Oreo shake, and waited to see if a snow storm would leave me in Chicago. I was really okay if it did, I'd never stayed over night in an airport and it sounded like an interesting adventure. Dad promised however that if I stayed I'd get to be in a hotel so there I would be. Not that I really minded, it would still be an adventure.

This is the interesting part as I was waiting I was chilling out on a stage finishing off my shake and singing some songs to my self and well...I made money. People tipped me. Not a lot, just $3 but for the short time I was there that's pretty good. Apparently I make good holiday entertainment.

Well my flight wasn't canceled, so I hopped on the plane and finished out my ride home, landing in a wind storm.

So here I am. I should get a lot of the posts I have sitting in my draft box all done this brake as well as other personal things. Heres to the holidays, may they be as stress free as possible.

Dyslexia on the Silver Screen

I can not say how long I've waited to see people like me be seen. Recognized. How long I've wished that there was someone like me, that wasn't fixed. No fixing, not magical cure to everything.

And finally it happened.

Meet Vanellope von Schweets from the movie 'Wreak it Ralph'.  

The idea behind the movie is that the video games in the arcade are alive, and when we're gone they go on and do their game things. Like go to the bar, or Bad Guys Anonymous, or have parties. Ralph is a bad guy who wants to be more and becomes convinced that the only way he can do so is through a getting a metal like the hero's and good guys do. Through a series of events he runs in to Vanellope who steals his metal to enter a race, promising to win it back for him. For the rest just watch the movie, it's really cute.

Vanellope is the first ever disney character that I remember that has dyslexia. Especially the first I can ever remember being picked on for it. She lives in the game 'Sugar Rush' and the whole point of it is racing, and Vanellope is not allowed to mingle at all. She is literally ran into hiding. There are posters of her face that ban her from entering anything especially races. The other racers actually corner her and destroy her car that she made. All because she is accused of being a glitch. (To which she replies she just has pixlexia, there for just a worthy to race.)

It was just this absolutely unreal experience to finally see someone like me on the screen.

Replace the game with a school, and the races with state curriculum and I'd like to introduce myself, "Hi I'm Vanellope von Schweets, good ta meet ya."

There is probably a post out there somewhere about the dyslexic joke being offensive but I related to Vanellope so much that I don't think it was a joke. I think she truly is pixlexic. She can feel it in her code that she was meant to be a racer, because she glitches however she is banned from the tracks and exiled to an unfinished bonus level to live alone. Once given the chance she excels and actually uses her glitch to give her an edge over the other racers.

I always had a thing for stories, even before I could write and it became apparent that I would not meet a few standards of writing. I am an author. Dyslexic and Dysgraphic, I am an author. The school was content to put me in special ed and then not let me take any honers classes even if the teacher, myself and my parents said I could handle it. When I finally got in to honers and then went straight Ap I was belittled in peer review groups because well, "are you smart enough if you can't even spell?" Am I smart enough to hold an officer position? Am I smart at all?

Like Vanellope even when the day is saved, I still glitch. Nothing will change who I am, and nothing will change the wiring I have for written language. But that is why I love her so much is she still glitches even when everything is fixed. Even when she can now race, she glitches. There wasn't some magical cure, because nothing was wrong with her, and she's once of the best racers because of it. My parents and the rest of my siblings didn't understand and might not ever fully understand why I was so happy about it, but there was a dyslexic hero. One who stayed dyslexic and became proud of it; used it to make her the best racer in the game. One who proved that there's nothing wrong with a little glitching.

She's a pixlexic racer, I'm a dyslexic author. In a way she's done what I hoped to do with published books. Let others out there struggling with the harassment and the off hand comments and self doubt know that they are not limited by what is 'coded' for them. They are more than their glitch, and their glitch is not a limit but a whole new way to 'race' that others will never get. It's not always easy, but in the end it's always worth it.

Evil Plot

So Ali finally figured out what my mom's plot is.

You see I've expressed a fear at maybe not making the payment for spring and I get this "Oh what a shame"

Not even a ounce of sympathy in her voice.

She is cutting me off from family support, none of my siblings even know what's happening. So My brothers on either side of me don't get why I seem uncomfortable at home.

I know Mom doesn't get it at all. She's cornered Bean and demanded to know what I tell her and why do I not talk to her (mom) more. Because, well calling my love a rapist, sending my older brother to spy on me, almost pulling me out with out warning, and then suddenly cutting me off and acting like we've never had a single disagreement wouldn't throw a wrench in anything.  Nope not at all.

Well Ali has figured it out.

Mom is waiting for me to hit a wall. To relise that I can't make it on my own yet because the real world is scary and I need mommy and daddy there. She's waiting for me to run out of luck and for my job to not pay enough in time and then she expects that I will go back 'home' and back into the fold, never to leave the state of Texas again.

If she had her way I would go to a collage that is nice and religious and close by, like at most a day trip and that's pushing it. Or I'd just stay and be a stay at home daughter and watch all the kids again. Like I have for the other 20 odd years of my life.

Let me just say...fuck no. Fucking hell no.

I can be homeless and I will not move back in to that woman's house. I'm tiered of walking on eggs around her. I'm sick of hiding things so that mom doesn't suddenly pull my plane ticket and leave me trapped in that place.

I already have several people that I know I can turn to, if not to crash at their place, then to help me find a place. I am not going back. Ever.

The only resin I want to step foot in that house is because of the little ones. I want to be remembered and loved.

Also Mom didn't factor in how much I would just resent her. She seems to be betting on mending our broken relationship, if she even admits that it's broken, over time when I suppose I realize the error of my ways and that family should always be put above my own personal happiness. Or I realize the dangers of lesbian university and thank her for saving my wayward soul.

It's just sad how much I now have dug my feet in the ground and said no. I don't want to move back to Texas, I refuse to move back to Texas. Nonononono.

I was venting about mom to Juliette and she just looked at me and said "You mom is like a totalitarian dystopian government". It is true I've had Hunger Games dreams of her as President Snow. It was kinda creepy.

But If I do hit this wall...well I'm not leaving Roanoke, other than to go to Washington and live with Ali's grandparents and work there for a semester, or to live with my friend in her apartment in Texas if I have to go back.

Not that house.

Ink Please

So I hate needles and I hate ink on my skin. I nearly fly out of the blood test chair and will bitch slap any one who dares try to doodle on me.

I want to get a tattoo.

Let that sink in for a bit.

Yes I am aware that there will be a lot of needles repeatedly stabbing me to inject ink into my skin. I know. I know. But as much as I hate that I've always wanted one. It's gone from things I thought would be cool looking (angel wings down my back) to religious symbols (from when I was more religious) to music and quotes around the wrist or ankle.

I have finally decided. I want a Hummingbird, as for placement its going to be behind my ear or on my shoulder.  Two places easy to cover for more professional times and also in my opinion, two classy places.

Also I just want it one color. Black most likely or maybe a dark purple or blue. I've considered getting it in a gradient but I think it would look better in a solid color. I've also considered white but, from what I've heard if your not already pale and stay pale it just looks like you've been scared in a very interesting pattern. I'd rather not have that, and I tan to this really nice bronze over the summer when I'm outside 24/7.

It's a tie between these two design, I'm not sure which one I like more. Any votes?

As for why I want a hummingbird, well there's a lot of things.

First off, I really love hummers. They fascinate me and I love to watch them.

My biggest resin is that they are also associated with warriors. Not in mainstream media and all that but rather old folk tails and legends. Hummers are warriors who died in battle for the, I believe, accent Mynas. They are said to be warriors who move and live outside of time. It's something that I identify with very strongly at this point in my life, being a little warrior.

Especially with all that has happened between me and my mom and with Hollins and everything else in my life I feel the 'small but mighty' idea very strongly. They stay graceful and beautiful even as they fight like I hope I do.

I love speed, like roller-coasters and running and just feeling the air rush around me. those moments when you feel like you could fly are when I feel the most free. Like I can do anything. I only get those moments when I'm on a roller-coaster or flying down a hill on a bike or flying down white water.

It's not the same kinda confident "Bring it" feel I get when I hold a bow, but it's this absolute rush where suddenly the world can wait because I'm busy being me and I am amazing.

Why I want to get a tattoo, well:

It's something that can't get ignored or pretend that it's not there because it's there. Like, Mom if she really wanted to could convince her self that Ali and I were just good friends. Really celibate, don't even hold hands, friends. She can ignore how I am a feminist, or how I have my own mind.

She can't ignore ink.

No matter what she dose or says, my ink will still be there. It'll be a part of me that can't be ignored and is beautiful and wonderful and as unobtrusive as the rest of me. She can't ignore this. She can't take it away or threaten to remove it. It'll just be there. Pretty and silent, and just there.

It'll be something that my siblings can see and ask about. It'll be something that won't get me kicked out as much as Mother Dear disapproves.

It's something that she can't take away.

This is something I have firmly, stake in the ground, decided that I will do, but that along with getting my right ear pierced on the cartilage will have to wait till senior year. As much as mom has cut me off I need to not shock her for just a little while longer. But senior year, spring semester at the latest, I'm getting them!

So thoughts on tattoos? Which one should I get?

Never okay.

If you haven't heard Vitoria's Secret made a big oops...again. They all ready messed up with 'Sexy little geisha'

Uhmmm....I have never seen a geisha dressed like that. And I've seen geisha's in airports and in research for school. They look like this:

Note lack of boobs spilling about. 

Well VC did it again, but this time it was Native Americans. Let's post pone the rage and look at what they did. 

What the hell.

Also 'if it offended any one'. "Gee guys, I didn't realize that we would be offending an entire nation of people by making you sex objects, our bad." Yes this is the model and it's not really her fault but this is also what the company said as well. 

Why dose this keep happening?

It would be grate if it was just VC and we could slap them on the writs and be done with it but it's everywhere. Women of other minorities or ethnicity's are sexuwalized. Just look up adult costumes for women. Really. Breasts for your viewing pleasure are everywhere. Spilling out. 

Dose anyone have any idea what we can do about this? It needs to stop. But it's everywhere. 

Let's start something. Anything. Take back our past, and take our identities out of the low cut and skin tight ideas. 

Back to the land of Mountains and Education

So travailing again, and I'm back to my home sweet Hollins.

I had to get up incredibly early. Like, 4:00 in the morning to get to the airport by 5 for my flight at 6:45.

It was alright, DFW isn't too bad. It was just so early.

Well I got a breakfast of a bagel and creme cheese from Duncan Donuts along with a naked fruit smoothy. I also met Emily, a very nice young woman in the army who happens to play sax, and hackie sack.

Every sax player I have ever met plays hackie sack. I asked and it doesn't come in the case, but they all play. How dose this happen?

Talked with her for a while. She's getting her asigments today so good luck to her.

I'll be honest I hate long flights with untalkative people next to me. I also hate long fights becuse they're so dull. I feel asleep in my seat but it wasn't comfortable at all. Also the guy next to me smelled like bad sour crout.

Please if you ever fly, shower and have deo on. Just do it.

Got off in Dulles, got sushi again and wandered around a bit.

Really not much happened this trip.

I got to be on a smaller plane and they tend to always have comfier seats so I was happy, but nothing makes me smile like I do when I see those mountains again.

Oh Hollins it's good to be back.

Energy healing?

My first met the person who practices it introduction to energy and auras and the like was an ex friend named Darcy.

Darcy, if I may be so blunt, is rather full of her self and has an over inflated sense of importance and glory. Her way was the right way in all things spirit-y and the like.

"Your aura is (inset color) you are very (insert trate/mood/movie preference)"

You could tell her that she was wrong and then it just became she was right and you were not really aware of what you were. You were what ever she said. When she did tarot reading––which I will admit I had her do them, mostly to look at her cards because they were pretty––the reading was what she said, not what you might think it could be. For the longest time she kept giving Juliet reading that Ali and I were going to go off and abandon them all. What really ended up hapaing was she left us exept for when she found us...useful? It's another story.

Anyway;

Darcy really for a long time turned me off of anything pagan or spirt sounding because, oh God those people might be like her. I just didn't want to deal with it. I just didn't.

That was maybe half a year ago.

So this was after Bell Book and Candle's party, but I had been just picking up bits from KC on what she did. I understood jack squat.

I'm very in my body? And that's why snuggling me feels good...because I'm there? Where else would I be?

So I finally sat down and had a talk with her. I still have a hard time understanding it, but I get it a bit more now. In ways I can't really describe but I do get it more now.

She also did energy work on me.

Here's how I understand it. People have an aura, that is a small electromagnetic field around them. You're body operates with electricity, that's how messages are sent around the brain and all around the nerves. so it would make since for there to be an aura.

You'd have a hard time convincing me that you can see and interpret colors. About near impossible of a time.

But the energy field caused by the electricity around your body sounds completely reasonable to me. The energy working part comes in when one person, like KC, uses their electricity to influence another person's electricity.

It feels very tingly and my leg kept twitching, like the kinda twitch a dog's leg dose when you scratch that one nice spot on their belly.

It's definitely something I'm going to look into to some more. I should set some more times to talk with KC about it.

Sweet and Sappy

Lee is cliché in all the best ways.

First date, we walked around the arboretum, date two we went shooting, date three in the zoo and then dinner with his family, and so on.

We go on walks. We go out to dinners. We sit up at the park and talk.

Yesterday was the last time I got to see him down here so we went out again. He picked me up and we went out to Ganges Grill where his sister worked.

Did you know it's incredibly painful to try and swallow lemonade and hold back laughing at the same time?

I can't pin it down but he just makes me laugh. He doesn't have to say or do anything, when I look at him I get so happy I start giggling.

Also when ever I have the chance to leave 'spechel requirements/preferences' I add notes like "Make with tender love and care" or "Malice and spite"

"I have one made with some TLC?"

YES! They did it! Finally.

Anyway. Lee pulled up to the park again and had yet another surprise. A picnic in the park. With cherry chocolate cheesecake! Oh my gosh! It had to be the best pie of my life! And he gave me his jacket because it was cold.

Also why dose everyone I like lick my nose?

No really.

Inbetween the tickle fight, that broke out and was rather one sided, he licked me on the nose. I love such silly people.

I can't wait for him to come up to Hollins!

Gobble?

I love my family I really do, but I wanted to be home just about as much as that turkey did.

It's been a combination of a lot of things, but the end result is the same. I loved the food for it was delicious. I enjoyed watching the family game of Risk. I enjoyed talking with family.

But I couldn't help but feel like an out sider. A guest or an observer. I didn't feel like family. And then there's this knowledge that if I come out, I just may not be welcome back.

But you know, I go back home to Hollins on Sunday and I'll get to see my Hollins Family and I've missed my Sisters and my wonderful Angel Love, Ali. So not all bad?

Wednesday with Bean

Bean is my little sister. My first little sister after a long line of brothers. We take a lot of walks together and talk about everything. It's nice to have someone who doesn't judge and listens to you. Mom tried to stalk us or get out of Bean what we talk about but we honor the sister code.

We don't rat each other out or brake the sister vow of silence.

So Bean knows what's going on with me better than anyone else and I with her. These walks take hours or so. It's really quite nice

Dreams

I keep having dreams of my mom confronting me. About Hollins. About Feminism. About my identity. About having both Lee and Ali. About Ali.

I always react differently.

 One I just sat there and cried and then she walked away after banning me from all future familyness. I started looking for Ali but I couldn't find her anywhere and all I could hear was her crying. I couldn't ever get to her in time before it stoped. And it stopped too suddenly.
I couldn't ever save her.

Other times I'm pleading. Begging for even a little tuition aid. Begging to still be loved. Begging to be welcome in the house. Begging to not be erased from the memory of my siblings. Begging for her to attend my graduation, my wedding.

Most of the time I react with rage. Its the only time I remember the words. "I found people who love me for me! I pay for my own fucking school because you fucking cut me off. I will live with who ever the hell I want!"
"Try not to fuck up the others like you did me, bitch"
"Get the fuck out of my apparently damned life"
"You will never see me again."

The last one I was just tiered.
"No. I'm not coming back. Sorry but I'm not. I'll be by after graduation to collect my things and then I'll be gone."

I really hope this isn't foreshadowing.

We're not art people

At least not modern-ish art. Ali is an art person, so maybe someday we can bring her along and she can explain it all to us.

Last night thou it was just Lee and I wandering around an art museum. A modern art museum. It was fun and there were a few peaces that I did really like...they were the ones that I didn't think I could do myself.

Now I know that somewhere out there there's probably a few artists that want to stab me with their brushes for saying that, but I'm not an...abstract modern art person. I like the ones that look challenging to pull off. The blurs of colors just don't to me.

We did plot how to steal a head statue...thingy...that we couldn't decide if it looked sad or happy. So there?

It was fun thou I really missed him and afterwards we went out to eat at an Asian Buffet. It had really good sushi and egg drop soup and chicken. And the company always helps. I could talk to him for weeks and never get bored with it. I swear when I'm around him sometimes I start giggling just because I'm so happy he's there.

I know that sounds over sweet but it's true.

The week is still young so maybe we'll be abel to sneak back out. That would be nice.

Here's hopeing.

Back to Play, and back to the land of child

Like I've said before, airports are my playground. I love travaling. It's my favorite part of the holliays. Well that and now I can see Lee hopefully, if I'm not too tied down by children and the duty of the older sibling.

Anyway.

This was not very eventful travel, at least not till I landed in Dulls and then DFW. Roanoke is just a tinny airport in general. Only six gates, one little magazine store, and one itty bitty bakery once you go through security.

I suppose the interesting thing that happened there was I was abel to hold a bag where it wasn't supposed to be. *gasp?* I was in the front seat that has no other seat for me to slid my back pack under.  I just put my feet on it and acted like it was supposed to be there.  Ta-Da?

Anyway got to Dulles in DC for my connecting flight to Dallas and all of the Romney stuff was outside the store in the shoplift section. You know that spot outside the door where they can't really watch you or stop you. Don't know what it says that, that's what I call it but eh. Now Romney, he's out there. All 50% and more off. The only Romney related thing I saw was a tee: "Don't look at me I voted for Romney".

Now if said person really did go vote then they may complain.

My favorit tee was this one <–– It about sums it up for me. Don't get me wrong, Obama seems like a nice guy. but just I don't much care for politicians.

Any-Hoo

I was in Dulles for maybe 2.5 hours and I had my little suitcase  and my backpack and lots of time. Also I was hungry.

My favorite food to get at an airport is sushi. It's really not bad because airports that sell sushi are busy enough that the sushi is usawaly nice and fresh. Very tasty. Also Hollins has no sushi at all. It makes me sad.

Now I landed at the edge of C and had to find D 29.

Airports are my playground. I love them and memorize where things are easy. In Dulles should you ever need a difibulatior, go to the nearest large sit down restaurant and look at the wall across from it. Especially pubs. Just a hint.

The one thing I have never found in Dulles till yesterday was a Sushi place. I had to hop on one of the shuttle things and go to A. Turns out theres a sushi bar there next to the Fudruckers I was take to on a date by a guy named John from the navy (He's nice we still text from time to time) and across from the Ben and Jerry's. I don't remember what flag it was under, but you walk past Brazil but I believe it;s before Australia.

This was my first sit down sushi bar. I'd never had theirs before so I ordered tame. They didn't have a crab roll so I went with a California, and I prefer rolls anyway. I got to watch it be made and it might have been some of the best sushi I have ever had. I got to listen to them talk in Japanese as I ate to. I only picked up a few words like "Hai" and "Ikimas" but I do love the sound of words.

This was also a first for me. I finally mastered chopsticks! I was so nervous too, because everyone else was using them so easily, but I did it! I finally was able to hold them right and do it and I didn't drop a single roll!

I killed the rest of my time stoping in one of the little magazine shops once I got back over to D. Pick up some mentos, check out the little voodoo dolls I collect but Dulles is so expensive so no dolls. I'd finished my book and didn't want to start my next one so I grabbed psychology today and a smoothy and went to my gate to sit and read.

I will be subscribing to this magazen. Its so fascinating.

The plane ride wasn't that good. Long and dull, It had a movie but I didn't pay to much attention.

The other fun came when I was in DFW. I was all carry on so I didn't have any bags to claim and Mom was going to be about another two hours. I grabbed a carmel frap from Starbucks and some lemon pound cake and set up a spot in a lounge to charge my phone and text Ali and Lee. Let various persons know I landed safe.

Then I met someone new.

"Hay, you with the beautiful hair. Is there an out lit there?"

I complemented her boots, for there were very snazzy and we got to talking. It was so nice. I think we had about the same views on everything. She also sounded like a perfect fit for Hollins so when I get back I'm sending her some information and I'll link her to scholarships. We talked for the entier time till Mom was out side and I had to go. She was stuck there till 7 the next morning.

All in all I love traveling and this was a good run

Doll me

 I've found that when I'm really stressed that the best thing for me to do is to go on doll divine and make little dolls of me. I don't know why. It just really works. I find it fun and relaxing and then I'm not stressed or mad or anything.

Really you should go try it.

The boyfriend is coming the boyfriend is coming

Lee is coming up to Hollins to see me! I'm so excited and happy!

He's never flown before so it's a first for him

Another first is that, well he happens to be coming the weekend of Winter Ball. So it's his first formal too. He was home schooled, so he's never had one before.

I'm so happy! I've missed Lee so much, and where yes I'm going back to Texas this week end for Thanksgiving I still and more excited for him coming up here.

He and Ali can meet in person. He'll see my home. We can run around and do Jazz and Lee things. All good fun.

I can't wait!

Ring Night!!! part one

Okay so I couldn't do the daily update like I promised but here's going to be a day by day.

Thursday.

I was excited and frightened as hell. I honestly was convinced that I wouldn't know my sister because I was a pity pick. All of those few seniors I did know where involved in things like ADA, HAB, Roundtable or specialty houseing. They'd pick juniors in there and not me.

But I was so excited because it was Ring Night. This is the thing when you are a junior. It's like sorority rushing but with out the risk of hazing and the entire jr. class dose it.

I got in my group with Ali, Juliet, Rae, Chris (who I knew but hadn't really talked to that much), and Tibby. We met at 4:30 to meet our helpers and get our skit prompt.

Skits are at 5:30

They refused to give us our prompt till 5.

Now it wasn't so bad, as much as we pretended to be insulted and upset to them. We had to do a skit to 'Be a Man' from Mulan. We sang it ourselves as Ali acted as Shang with her short sticks. We were the hopeless recrutes. We snuck in some Hollins feminism by when we sang "Did they send me daughters?" We all struck heroic poses. "When I asked for sons" we looked around, scratched pretended to pick noses.

We propsufly messed up on kicks and punches till the part after the big mid section.

I was Mulan, and when I went up to show how I had improved Ali tried to send me home with a flick of her sticks. Well Mulan/me grabbed the sticks and as the other's sang Ali and I dueled it out. I was then deemed bad ass enough for the Imperial Army. Ali and I are both officers in the Hollins Martial Arts club.

Then it was time for the Scavenger hunt. Usawaly groups go on a cross city hunt to take pictures and that sort of thing. Juliet didn't want to leave campus so we did ours at Hollins. It was a blast and the riddles were really good.

After that we put on our paint clothes and our sunglasses (Blindfolds are against the rules now as another step to prevent hazeing. We are a sisterhood and look after each other like that.) The helpers than lead us around campus as we couldn't see because it was night and then up to a spot where we sat down and waited in a circle. Talking and singing to each other.

Seniors are fucking creepy this night.

They all try and hide there voices so they talk real high and really creepy as they walk around you asking you to sing cretin songs before they pull you away one by one to get a picture. You still don't see them as your blind from sunglasses.

Then the painting. After everyone is done we sit in our circle and hold our hands up and they squirt paint into them. when then paint about as well as a blind dog on each other's shirts.

It's wet and cold and I'd do it all over again.

Our sisters leave and then we're allowed to take off the sun glasses and go back to the dorms and try and scrub the pain from our skin. Ali's shoulder was dyed green and yellow for days. We also now have our list of demands and before we sleep we start on our odes and top 10s.

And then we sleep.

Juuuuiinnnoorrrs

It's Ring Night.

Oh dear. 

Well how to explain Ring night...I might have a suitable picture let me see. 

Well it feels like that sometimes but in the cool way.

Uhh.... let me try again.

Oh the crafting we'll have to do. and the Odes and oh my oh my...

Well let me just try and explaine what happens in this majical prosses. 

Each Junior has at least on Secret Senior Sister that gives them demands Thursday through Saturday and then gives them their Ring Night basket full of goodies and treats! 

Today we have a skit that we are made to perform and we get our call outs. Call outs are like Random person: "Group 9 what do you do?" Group nine: "Don't stop, never give up! Hold your head high and reach the top!" Or they can be individual like: Random person: "What do I do with a kitty cat?" Junior X "Any body wanna snuggle, meow?"

They can be cute, dirty, funny, or what ever.

After skits we go on a scavenger hunt. This can be done in many ways and tonight I'll tell you how mine goes.

Then we get our odes  to do and a list of demands for tomorrow.

It's all very fun and safe and a wonderful tradition for the Juniors and Seniors.

There are rules in place to keep everyone safe and prevent any hazing and every Junior has the right to say no to a demand or call out and are encouraged to do so if it makes them uncomfortable. There are times when demands can not be given so that we can sleep and get work done.

I'm so excited I can't wait. 

Bell Book and Cupcakes

So as I had said before I'm more spiritual than religious, and I will admit I take a few things from paganism. Some of what they say really makes since. Mostly I look into the natural healing and that sort of thing. If the Fay are real or not I don't know. Wouldn't be surprised if it was, wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't. I meen I've seen ghosts.

Anyway.

Ali was going to take me on a date as we hadn't had one in so long. We were going to go to a seniors thesis performance with the flute. Right as were were getting around to go out, a knock on the door happened.

Ali is the club cornatior. She runs and manages all SGA clubs and they come to her with questions and problems. At the door was a question/problem.

Katniss (as I call her, she is a huger Hunger Games fan) was about to cry because the room she had reserved for her Bell Book and Candle. Chairs where everywhere and she's never thrown a party before and was just really stressed out. So Ali and I went to help out.

We helped move the chairs back and get things set up, and then with some time to kill we hung out.

I've never been sure to believe in tarot or not...but I do get eerily reflective readings of my life.

Like the one Katniss did for my past life.

I was a black sheep of were ever I was, even thou I was a leader in some local revaluation. But not leader by choice. and I was a black sheep because of a well...because past me was involved with another woman *gasp*. My mother then did not approve of this, big surprise, but out of her love for me she led the counter revolution. Also my little revolutions sounded alot like Hollins. I also had a man that sounded like Lee as well as someone like Ali.

Katniss and I arn't the closest people, also she reads what she reads. As unbiassed as Trot can get I suppose you could say. But she dose warn that her reading may not be clear, and all.

I also got a reading with stones. It liked mapped out my life. The goals I have, problems, that one friend that I don't have to call every day but every time we talk it's like we never dropped off. That one female figure that I feel betrayed by.

It's interesting.

Ali and I ended up staying and talking as the party went on. It was a fun date.

I think I might just go to more Bell Book and Candle events. Panginsum is so interesting and many times a take what fits you leave what dosn't.

I shall keep you updated

Hoop Dance

So I'm part Cherokee and part Creek. Some people say they can see it but I don't feel like I look particularly native. Anyway I have always loved the Native cultures and myths. I especially love their language and dances, but well I can't learn navajo at this rate but I did dace for a while and I pick up on it very quickly now.

Well this Friday Hollins had a pair of Hoop Dancers come into Moody and preform as we were eating lunch.

Hoop Dancers are like this:

Well at least this is one of them. Really you should go look them up. Well they asked for two volunteers to come up and learn how to dance with them and I went up. It's complex and simple all at the same time. I wish I had hoops to practice with. It was so much fun.

I wasn't flawless or awe inspiring but I didn't fall on my face so that's good too.

Anyway. Go look them up! Try it out

So many Y's

It seems to be bring your boyfriend to campus weekend. Or day. I'm not sure which yet. Prosbies are coming tomorrow so all hosts are forbidden to have overnight guests. Don't want to make things awkward for the little prosbies, and politeness. Also next week end is Ring Night and anyone who is not currently going to Hollins is not allowed near any Ring Night activity.

Perhaps I'm just noticing more than usawal because I really miss Lee. He's all the way in Texas. I love Ali but she's not Lee and they can't replace each other. On the bright side, late this month or early next he'll be here to visit me at Hollins! I'm so excited! Then he and Ali can meet in person and not just over skype.

Also he's terrified of hights, but he's flying in to see me. This will be the first time he's ever been on a plane. I personally love flying, but you know, it's not for everyone I suppose. Still it meens so much that he would get on a plane for me. I'd like to think that I'd go through a house of clowns for him....but if I'm honest it'll have to take some real motivation to get me to willingly go through that. Like his life in imetiat danger of no longer going on. Then I know I would gladly knife/pepper-spray/shoot my way through any amount of clowns. (Don't laugh, clowns are twisted evil things.)

Anyway I'm off to go clean as I'm due to get a prosbie tomorrow and my room is a bit of a pit.

One flight to rule them all!

I love New Zeland. It's so beautiful there, and if I'm remembering correctly Ali and I could adopt there. I also love flying. And Tolkien, the father of the modern fantasy.

Here's all of that combined.

Enjoy

Low down dirty rat thief!

I am incredibly fond of small fuzzy things. Being a Psychology major this is a good thing considering how labs are usawally run with rats. Now this year I was supposed to be doing an independent study on the learning behaviors of rats vs. mice in complex mazes. But things happened, e-mails got lost thing the void of the internet and it didn't happen.


But rats are incredibly intelligent. They can learn agility courses with amazing efficancy. The study was going to compare the two but I had no mice.

So I asked and was granted the two spare rats to run a pilot study. I named them Hawkeye and Cap'n Rogers. We went along and did our thing for a bit.

well last week someone's rat died. So she came in and took Hawkeye. I find this out by walking in the next day to feed her and seeing her card replaced and the name reading Keli. Keli is a stupid name for a Hawkeye.

And there was no e-mail from Dr. Flory. Not one text saying even just, 'My rat *insert name* has recently died. I had to take yours from cadge B9.' Just this slap in the face of they stole my rat. Hawkeye was my baby and you took her.

You bitch!

I sobbed for maybe an hour. It's like someone taking your dog from you. I played with her dayly. I can still tell you how she liked her tummy rubbed and how she would always run up to the front of the cadge and stand on her little hind legs to wait to be taken out and played with or given a treat.

Well today, after I had checked on and played with her just yesterday. Rogers was taken. Like her whole cadge dissapered so I stood there for a moment having every worst possible case come to mind. She's been stolen by those crazy PETA nut cases. She died.

No.

Some one took her. Moved her away. I think she's the one that's now named Navi.

I'm just hurt and pissed.

Just, really. Couldn't they have at least told me they were going to take them?

Sandy

So Sandy is coming for Hollins. We don't know if we'll get snow or rain. Most likely power outages and lots and lots of water related things on the ground.

I'm all prepared with a lantern and I'm going to get some munchies that don't spoil tomorrow because Mom really still dose get concerned (I honestly wonder sometimes) and moved some money over into my account. So I'll have my little battery powered lantern, munchies, bottled ink and quills and bordgames with friends to pass the time. Apparently we should expect our power to go out for about a week.

Don'r know how classes will be affected. I hope papers will be extended but I don't want classes to be canceled.

I hope I hope I hope.

Altho a nice brake would be lovely.

So I may not be abel to post to much for a bit.

Stay safe and warm

Why Legos? Why?!

Toys frustrate me as much as I love them. And I do. I love playing with toys for all ages and such but I hate walking through the toy part of Walmart and Target or a toy store. Because all the girl stuff just has to be pink. Really. I don't get it.

I'll look at puzzles and then, oh here's the boy toys all made for adventuring and durable and BLUE, and then before I even step into the girl aisle I'm blinded by sheer and utter pinkness.

Oh this drives me crazy, but what really hit me over the edge is when Legos did it to. Yes I'm speaking of Lego Friends.

Just why? Why is suddenly everything pastel? She doesn't even look like a lego person. She doesn't even go here! And the sets, I glanced at them in the store, are all about sleepovers and cafes and fluff. 

But the regular legos had cafes and restrants and hospitals and houses. I don't understand. Why did they need to make it pink? Or makeup-y? Or prissy?

I tried to explaine to my Mom why I was so frustrated and it went about like this.

"But why do they have to make legos for girls? Why couldn't lego have just stayed gender neutral?"

Mom: "Girls just like pink. It's just been found that girls naturally like pink."

Me: "Pink used to be a boy color and girls are conditioned to like pink, we're surrounded from it since birth." We are, as soon as your clean it's like PINK! Pink everything. 

Mom: "Well this is just the way it is and it's not a big deal. People are happyer this way. You never wanted any of the boy toys."

Me: "Yes I did! You just would never buy me the comics or legos or bug catching kits!" I did ask for them. Every Christmas, birthday and Easter and everything in between. I ended up just stealing my brothers and turning all my barbies into ninja spies who ruled the world with their army of beanie babies. 

Mom: "It's just not a big deal, JR."

But it is. She had told me that I couldn't have them because they weren't what little girls played with. It wasn't till Grammy snuck me a set of a WWI plane with a aviator man to fly it that I got my own set. 

And I don't understand. like tell me the gender of who made these:

Can you tell? 

No. 

I build things like that when I can and I know guys who do too. I don't understand how the little blocks have a gender. Why do we have to force a gender on everything? 

It drives me crazy. 

When I grow up and become a mom I shall have expressive unjudged kids. There will be princess dresses and prince suits and lab coats and sparkly shoes and boots. My kids will get to have skirts and pants. If I get a girl that dose all the 'boy' things cool. If I have a boy that likes to wear skirts and do 'gril things cool. If i get a really girly girl or a really boyish boy then cool too. Hell If I get on e like me that dances about the middle that's cool.

I suppose I'm just frustrated at the gender segregation. But really legos? Why Legos, why?

Tinker Day!!!

Tinker Day has to be my favorite Hollins tradition. For those of you who don't know Tinker Day is a random day, usawally between first frost and parents weekend. At midnight the seniors run down the halls in their robes banging pots and pans screeming. However they do this other nights before Tinker Day as well, it's their Tinker Scares. The way you know it's really Tinker Day is that the chapel bells right at seven am when Moody opens up with fresh kispy cream donuts.

President Gray

We then dress in our most Tinkery. See like this.

Fun. Oh so much fun!

After a rousing speech from President Gray We hiked up to Tinker mountain, took a water brake and then hiked up the mountain.

It's not a death hike, at least not for me but I'm pretty fit, but it's no stroll. My friends and I were in the back of the heard and they were pacing them selves, and I was with them. I didn't mind at all the mountain is beautiful and it's more fun to go up it with friends.

Somewhere in there I became the Water Fairy. We weren't the only group lagging behind and I didn't drink that much so I spent my time skipping and hopping back and forth to bring water to people that forgot theirs. Sometimes I'd find a nice rock climb up on top and ask anyone who passed if they needed some.

Went through two water bottles completly. I need to bring more next year.

Well we made it to the top were silly songs, fried chicken and skits awaited. The skits this year were really good.  The first years apparently had watched my classes skits from previous years, not that we minded. We were really quite flattered and so proud of out sister class and are now happy to have a nice healthy competition.

Sadly the class of 2014 lost our Golden Donut winning streak when the seniors won best skit this year. I personally disagree I think if we lost to anyone we should have lost to the first years. They were really amazing. Either way we can just win it back next year and 3 out of 4 years has to be a record, even if they're not in a row.

Skits aren't anything like Broadway productions but we have fun and I feel like my class has raised the bar on how good a skit can be. I do have my favorite out of the three skits I've preformed, but it's always such a thrill to do new ones.

There were something's that bothered me on Tinker Day but that's a different post because right now I'm talking about how amazing it all was, just like every year before that.

Tinker Day in short is amazing and wonderful. More schools should do it.

Take Back The Night

It's take back the night here at Hollins. I'm not ready to tell my story in-front of live faces yet. Not that big a crowd. So I'll stay at my laptop and eat some whoppers and here is my story.

TRIGER WARNING

It was Freshman year, spring brake going back to the house and I was in the Memphis airport. It started out innocently enough. I forgot it was a friday in Lent and ordered ribs because who can go through Memphis and not order ribs? They were delishous. I was in my traveling clothes, sweat pants, tee shirt sneakers, baseball cap. You know comfy clothes.

Well a young man walked up and asked if he could sit with me to eat and I said yes. I would like to think I'm a friendly person and he seemed nice enough.

so we sat and we were talking.

And he kept asking about me.

Did I have a boy?

Did I ever date a boy like him? (A black man)

Did I like boys like him?

Did I like girls? (what the heck? I'd only said I was single and not looking at the moment. How is that insta-lesbian?)

Where was I going?

I could hardly understand him he had such a thick accent.I did manage to understand some parts of it where he said he worked for the airport. Had a lot of girls, and should I want to I could skip the flight and stay with him for a day...or week.

Yeah.

So I got up and went off to find my gate. But I was in a far corner of the airport, were there wasn't alot of people...and I suppose you could say I made a wrong turn. I went from a few other people to being alone.

There are three major stress responces. Fight. Flight. Freeze.

I froze like a rabbit. As if the dog that had shoved me againced the wall would forget I was there and walk away.

No he shoved my pants down, laughing at how I squeaked. And he shoved a finger up my ass.

I couldn't move. I just couldn't.

He told me I was cool because his other girls weren't that tight and they weren't as chill with it as I was. He joked about how I had gotten shit on his finger.

I said nothing. I grabed my bag and ran away. Half my mind was screaming that I had been raped, the other half was desperitly protesting, I hadn't said no, he hadn't shoved his dick up my vag. I couldn't be raped that couldn't happen. no not to me. please no. All of me had gone numb.

I found my gate and he found me and called his phone with mine. I was still to numb and shocked to protest him taking my phone from my pocket. He stayed with me till I got on the plane, but not before I had to give him a hug and promise to call him to stay with him if I was ever in town again. A promise I have every intention of shattering into thousand of tinny tinny pieces.

He texted me every morning and several times during the day for about a month and a half after that. Demanding I give him pictures. topless pictures.

Funny how when I freeze and can't talk I'm cool and beautiful and what ever else slithered out of his devil mouth, but when I say no I'm white trash and worthless and a bitch.

I stil have him in my address book incase he ever trys to call or text me again. I'll know to not answer.

It wasn't till last spring that I was able to call what had happened a rape, and then I would freak out every time Ali touched me for a weeks.

I felt so stupid, so weak, so pathetic.

Ali was so patient with me. Not even holding my hand until I had said I was okay with it. I had to have driven her crazy, climbing up the walls to get space one second and then sobbing and wanting to be held close and cuddled the next. I think I screamed at her once. I don't know how long we stayed celibate, but I would apologize for it and cry till Ali always very gently would hold me and tell me I never had to say sorry for things I wasn't comfortable with. It was okay. She loved me and she'd protect me and it was okay.

When we finally made love again, I was a very timid JR. But she looked at me and said "Jazy Reaves, just look right at me and remember I will never hurt you." And that bit about the moment I think I might not be okay to say something. We didn't get off that time, but I must say it is still one of my fondest memories. Just the love in her eyes as corny as that is, she had so much love in her eyes and how she held me, touched me.

She really is my Angel.

I'm better now. I still avoid Memphis when I can help it, and spend my time in the airport looking over my shoulder for him. But I took a Shock class and Kempo so next time it happens I won't freeze and I just might remove the dirty bastard's ability to hurt anyone else.

This is my story. Maybe one day I will be able to speak at take back the night.

Pill free, yay me!

So I dropped my Concetta about a month ago now, and I've never been better.

Honestly it still takes about the same amount of effort to focus and stay on task as it did on the pill so I must have already built up a tolerance to the dose. The difference is that now because I don't have a drop in stimulation to the frontal lobe I don't suddenly act "real loopy" as it has been called where I can't sit still and I can't listen for longer than two words.

I hadn't had to make my self so when it suddenly dropped I was kinda thrown for a loop.

Now I'm actually doing much better and there's no drop. I can eat so I'm not starving and in pain late at night. There are no migraines and I know that I can do things on my own now with out meds.

Juliette helped me pick out a planer that's nice and colorful and works very well for me, and Ali helped me get a legal pad holder and a legal pad of graph paper so now I have checklists for what I need to do. That is my calendar on the wall I'm fairly organized now!

For me at least.

I'm doing well in all my classes, and I'm happy about it.

The one major difference that my friends have commented on is that I feel stronger now. I have higher highs and lower lows. Not like I'm on an emotional roller-coster but I can get happier and more upset over things. I love it!

Anyway, I should go do my homework now.

In the Air

I have a tone of fun in airports. Improve some may argue con-artist fun. But I don't go out to con people, I just make everyone's day more interesting.

I love planes and flying in general. I'm going to get my pilots license after collage and I even play the pocket planes game where you run a global air port network on my phone almost obsessively.

To the point I want to use these to make a new novel/series of stories based in my fun in the airports and what I know of them and my love for them.

Thought you should know as I shall be putting it up here.

And this lovely art work is also not mine. It's aprently from devintart. A friends sent it to me.

It's all the airlines of the world, or most of them.

Enjoy.

Dreams and Hopes

So we have come to the point of the night where I must confess that my parents goals for me and my goals don't match up.

Mom and Dad's dream:

 I'm in a nice house with lots and lots of little babies and a good husband and career. Lots of money and success. Possibly some presteege. Also the husband will be clean and Christian (But that's mostly mom). I will be close to them and all the other little ones. Oh and vote republican.

Mine:

Where I will Live

In (Preferably) a small cottage, on a small to medium farm somewhere that's not Texas, farming some vegetables and fruits and some trees or melons or vines would be nice too. Perhaps enough to make a profit in a farmers market but at least enough to even out the cost of maintaing it. I've always liked eating fresh fruits and veggies.

Also on this farm I'd like to have some chickens and bees for fresh eggs and honey.

Really I'd like to be as self sustaining as possible. Solar panels and all. I'd have a little pond for fish if it wasn't so much. I might eventually but in my plans for now, no fish pond.

Also on this farm I will have an Irish Wolfhound named Pillage. If I get a second one I'll name them Plunder

Why?

Well besides being absolutely adorable, Wolfhounds are incredibly intelligent. You can train them with just your tone of voice, and they have a remarkable memory. Also they are incredibly loyal and good with kids.

They were used as dogs of war and after a long day of killing and tearing men apart limb from limb they would go home and curl up with the kids by the fire and watch them and sleep at the foot of their beds. They are huge dogs, I met one and his nose was in my ribs, but they don't eat much. They don't binge they just eat what they need and then go on with their day. They apparently don't need that much space to be happy.

Also I love horses. The light race horses are nice and all and I like going fast and racing the wind and that lovely feeling of flying, but nothing compares to a good heavy draft horse. My favorite breed are the Shier horses.

They're huge.

And beautiful.

And mine will be named after a Hobbit. Most likely Samwise Gamgee. I love Sam, he is my favorite Hobbit.

I would use mine to pull a cart around or plow, but also to ride. I will most likely do bare back, and if I can train him/her to be rode with out a bridle as well, and just go by the tug on the mane I would be so happy.

It dose not hurt a horse to have their mane tugged on, pulled on mercilessly probably, but tugged on no.

The last mostly outdoor/outdoor animal is a trained Barn Owl.

Have you ever petted a barn owl? It's like petting fluffy air. I've also always wanted my falconers license, but most of the falcons you don't keep, as part of a preservation for nature thing. At least that's how it works with, I believe, the red falcons. People care for them for the first year where they're most likely to die and then release them.

Nothing against that. I'd love to participate in that, but I'd like a bird of prey to stay with me and sit on my shoulder, and all that.

Who I shall Wed

At this point in my life I will mary Lee and Ali.

Mother would not approve. Dad probably wouldn't as well but not nearly as much as Mother dear's hell fire rage. You'd think I was sprinting to hell for an orgy or something.

Sometimes in Poly relationships theres a primary, meaning that for person A their person B comes before all others. I don't do this, Ali doesn't ether. Lee hasn't ever been in a poly relationship before, but I'm pretty sure I'm his primary. He's also not seeing anyone else so there's that too.

Still there are no two people that I would rather have in my life forever. And they seem to like me too so always a plus~!

Poor Ali thou, she's from a tiny family (2 kids with her dad, 3 with her mom). Lee has about 14 if I remember correctly and I have 10. Lee and mine's idea of a good size for a family, not to big not to small is 6. All the blood drains from Ali's face when we say this.

It's something that will be discussed further down the rode.


Job

Really I want my books that I write to take off enough that I don't have to do anything else. I'll have my etsy for some small bonuses, and I'd like to be a masusse/hot stone therapist as well.

There is a camp I want to open five years down the rode from now that's a post on it's own.

But as far as a career job job I'd like to do sport therapy with special needs kids.

It's something I knowtsied with myself that I focus best and am usawaly happiest outside doing someting. Soccer team might be hard to get enough to start with but things like ridding, Archery, things that can be done alone or in a group.

But I really want to be abul to do that for nearly free. A lot of times the families are already tied buy prescriptions and therapies. So I really really want my books to take off.

And then not have to have a career. That would be nice. Then everything I do will be because I want to do it not because I need money.

Religion and other tidbits

None of us are that chruchy. Mom has become super churchy, but I must say it doesn't transfer over. Christian yes. In the pew every Sunday...not so much.

Voting...I will vote for who I think is the most qualified and like this race it could end up being third party. Librarian, gun rights and gay rights!


That's about it.

My parents and I still love each other but oh my are there things I don't bother to tell them. The farm part is probably okay...the wed and job part...weeeellll. And we don't talk politics at all. It's just a bad idea.

Anyone else have a dream? Want a tinny house? Farm?

Draw me like one of your French Girls

So I'm broke.

Like a small glass Christmas tree ornament thrown off of the Empire State building broke, and this was something I'd always wanted to try before.

Naked modeling.

Yup.

Me.

Nude infront of a group of strangers who will see everything in only a way artists can. That is ether very good or very bad.

I finally got my brake this last week, and I'm very glad it was for Ali's class.

Apparently I looked very confidant and not at all nervous as I got up on that little stage in the middel. Oh no. Oh nonono, but thank you Ali for believing me so fearless. I was so nervous.

There is something absolutely terrifying and something very empowering about standing naked as a wee babe in front of a group of people.

I did my first pose facing Ali, and pretended that everyone else didn't exist. It was a three minute pose as they drew me with ink and brushes. With in the first two minuets I got over being embarrassed.

Everyone was nice, the music they had put on was really good and you know what, when else will it be okay for me to be nude in front of people? Live a little.

So I had fun with it. My first pose had been a marching bad stretch, then I did a 'ta-da' with spirit fingers. A knock of of thriller. An Archer's stance. A back/shoulder stretch. A crouching hunter thingy. A backbend.

And then a brake, where I got to hop off the stand and walk around and peek at the ink drawings. I wrapped in the blanket I had around me so I wasn't flouncing to much about naked.

Well I remembered that the first time. After that every one was relaxed an joking around enough that me popping up next to them with nothing on didn't bother anyone.

The last two were 15 minuets each and were sitting.

The last one I couldn't stop giggaling. My hair was tickling me. I was facing Ali at the time and apparently she got a lot of complements on how she got my smile.

Unfiltered

Dyslixia and disgraphia. I have five disorders, three of which are mental, but for the next few pages I’m going to just talk about those two. I’ve been dignosed with Progressive Dyslixia, so I write every thing backwards but can read and retain faster than the agrave person and love to dig in to a good Charles Dickens or Tolkin noval. I also have Disgraphia, and not with math, but I spell things they way they sound, feneticly if you will. In the gratest of all ironys, around the same time I was tested and dignosed I started my life’s ambition to become an author.

That’s right, a published, hopefully best selling, Young Adult author.

What may be the problem you ask? If I want it I should go for it, and let nothing stand in my way! Well to be frank, the English langwige sucks. Its words are spelled sometimes the exact opposite of what they sound like. Many times it will look right to me, sound right when I sound it out, but as soon as a teacher or class mate sees it they’ll look at me and ask, “Now, what where you trying to say?”

Every one else sees the way words come out of me as wrong. I don’t conform to ither their or their twisted langwige’s bizzar and aquward rules. What no one else seems to understand is this is how I think. This is how words look and fell right to me and in my head. Sure I my adjust my spelling for the convinance of others, but that dosn’t change me or how I think. That doesn't stop other from trying to change me, my mind and insist I can do everything thier way.

In the thierd or fouth grade, in order to save me from impending school structured doom and my teachers a deal on advil from reading my ‘creative interptratations’ of words I was put as a floter in Spechal Education classes. This worked out pretty good for the most part. I could step out of class and drop in if something didn't quite make sence to me and get some extra time and attenchen that normaly couldn’t be spared in a room of around twenty little devals. That was as long as I didn’t get stuck with Miss. Browning. Many times if I would ask Miss. Browning how to spell a word she would give me a dictionary and tell me to look it up. Even if I came back thirty miunets later and said I couldn’t find it, she would shake her head and tell me it was in there somewhere and to stop being so lazy and go find it. Eventualy I just started peeking in the door and if she was the only teacher avalbul I would walk around the school and back to class and just stay confused rather than be confused and embaressed.

In high school, in class peer reviewed assigments were things to be dreaded, simply because people are shallow. Many times I would write at the bottem of the paper or something simaler telling them why there was so many incorrect spellings. It never really mattered. Out of a nine point grading scale I would always get a two or three, however for the typed up rewrite I would change very few things in the way of word order and sentence flow and simply spell cheak it. My grade would then go up to eghits and nines.

In anomous critic here at Hollins I was asked if English was my first langwige, or if I was one of the transfer students in a note from workshop when my betta reader was too busy to look over my submission. In a room where people were reading anonmis works, where they author may or may not be in the room, and giving verbal feed back for a note taker a Hollins woman asked why bother with seending any edit notes becuse of the intelagance leval of the author. She had nothing to go on other than what was in front of her, and very clearly expressed that she douted the “smartness” of the person because they hadn’t grasped speling and gramer, and well what intelagent person doesn't get that?

It happens everywhere.

It is a both frustrating and interesting way to go through life. I now know more ways to use a thusoraus as a spell cheaker than I do a dictionary. The actwal spell cheak on my computer and I are old rivals at what letters should go where in what words. Around close friends a drimatic reading of any unspelled cheaked work leads to a good laugh. Crying over the fate of lost tomatos and lost tomarows are two very different things, especially when the victims head is up next on the chopping block.

I’ve learned over the years to have editors lined up and that I need to start papers days in advance of the due date, at least more so than usawal. The world still insists that I can master their english and be just as good at the rest of them if I really really try. They still don’t get it. This is how I see the world, this is how I see words and how they look right to me. Their clunky spelling with forced letters to sit in spots they don't look welcomed in on the page reads and feels wrong. This is my mind and it refuses to change for any langwaige, no matter how strange. 

Questions?

So one of the things I really enjoy doing is asking and answer questions. So ask me any thing and I will answer it. It can be about food, gams, movies, sex, relationships. Anything. That thing you want to know but don't want to ask. Ask it.

Or don't, up to you.

But discussions are best with multiple people. Folks tend to give you less strange looks.

I hope to hear some you soon.

Tails of Symphonia

 

It's about time I did a game review. Now if any of you still have a Gamecube (you can get them for 20$ now) or own a wii, I suggest you pick up and play Tails of Symphonia.

Why?

OH MY FLUFFY MONKEYS THIS GAME!!!

*ahem*

What I meen to say is, this game is just absolutely fantastic. The graphics are bright and the music is cheery but this game's backstory get's so dark and twisted. In a everything you know is a lie, the people you thought were good are evil, the evil ones are working for the good ones, the good ones are working for the evil ones, and you are a lamb for the slaughter. 

It's so amazing. The plot twists are unexpected but when you look back they make perfect sense. And as much shit hits that fan, the shit has not hit the fan till the end of disk one.

Here's your team:

Now Lloyd, the one with brown hair and in red, is your main point of view person. He's an orphan raised by a dwarf named Dirk on the outskirts of town. His best friends are Genis, the white haired, in blue kid and Colette, the blond girl dancing on the side there. 

You start out with these three in a school room learning about the Wold Regeneration Process. This is where the Chosen, Colette, must take a journey to the Tower of Salvation and Regenerate the world so that the worlds Mana (source of all life) will start coming back. 

You set off, well more like chase after Colette when she leaves with her two guards, your professor Rain and Kratos a mercenary. She'd left early with out telling you so that you would stay behind and stay safe. To heck with that! Off you go! Never mind that evil half elves are after their lives and a Chosen has never made it through the journey alive before. 

Along the way you pick up Sheena, the Assassin, who fights with cards. She's the black haired one. 

I don't want to spoil to much because so much happens! Shit is constantly hitting your fan and the graphics only seem to get cheerier the darker the plot becomes. Everyone but Lloyd has hidden motives and dark secrets. But Lloyd has sad family past so it makes up for it. 

My personal favorit is Kratos, both in ability and story. 

From what you know at the start Kratos is a wandering sell sword. He's an incredibly skilled swordsman and spell caster, as well as healer. Thou you have to work awhile to get his real badass spells. He is hired to protect the Chosen and aid in the world regeneration process, however he also takes an interest in Lloyd and trains him to be a better swordsman.

MILD-NOT SO MILD SPOILERS

Kratos also, unlike the church, the villains, many of your team, and random civilians, changes sides many times. Or so it seems. His first unveiling of a secret comes at the Tower of Salvation. You think he's set you up. (I advise you, level him up like crazy anyway. You don't fight him, and you really need him before he wanders off for a bit.) If you want to try and figure out Krato's secret as you play pay very close attention to him. How he acts around cretin players. The dialogue right before he kills someone yelling "Feel the pain of those inferior beings as you burn in Hell!"is also a big tip. 

SPOILERS DONE

This game also comes complete with an anime and a manga that can be found online. Read and watch at your own spoiler risk. There is an english fandub of the anime but I prefer the fansub. Both gloss over points in the game, but also give you backstory that you hear but don't get to see in the game.